“Find someone who loves you for YOU.” – 12 signs of a toxic relationship
Whether you are unsure if the person you’re with is the one. Whether you just got into a relationship or just got out of one, understanding what you need from your partner to succeed is most important. SO, if you’re on edge or want to be sure, it’s VITAL that the person you’re with exhibits high qualities. Both men and women, though similar, have different qualities that set them apart. See below for those qualities.
- They are intellectually challenging [Keep you open and available to other and alternative ideas
2. Carries herself with class [A high-quality woman does not need to show her cleavage to get the job, she is confident in her mind to get it. She doesn’t need to dress a sure way to get someone’s attention. She dresses and carries herself tastefully. Even in sweatpants, she walks with grace]
3. Honest & Genuine [honesty is the best policy, it’s the foundation of every successful relationship]
4. She compromises [it’s hard for a woman to give up what she wants. A woman who compromises is a woman with self-awareness and is aware of what is important to you. She is willing to sacrifice her wants for yours when she knows it is for the best, and it will make you happy.
5. She is kind, generous, and empathetic [believes in you& compassionate towards you]
6. She is consistent [her personality does not change no matter how much times differ. It’s the opposite of volatility. Moodiness gets old]
7. She accepts your flaws [doesn’t criticize you. Never makes you feel inferior, unaccepted, or not good enough. Builds you up]
8. She has a good relationship with her parents. [If you want to, you want to know how she will treat you in 30 years? See how she treats her parents now.]
9. She holds similar values as you [the things you find essential, non-negotiable values, i.e., views on issues that are deal-breakers, the things you believe in strongly, the way you treat others, the way you treat yourself]
10.She can move past jealousy. [some jealousy is natural; both partners must trust each other and are sensible. Personal space is essential for growth]
11.She supports your goals and pursues her own [a strong woman will motivate you and not be dependent on you. She inspires you to be the best version of yourself]
12.She laughs at your jokes [we all want someone by our side who laughs at our jokes, having a partner who thinks you’re funny is more important to men then it is to a woman]
13.She remains calm in fights and calms you down too [never disagreeing is not a stable relationship; it’s important how you deal with arguments and how you behave after]
14.She does not hold grudges [forgives other, and you will have her by your side for a long time. People who can forgive others is the foundation of a healthy relationship. People aren’t perfect]
15.She puts effort into the relationship [the romance will wear off, but you shouldn’t let it- neither should she. If she puts effort in, you know she cares]
Women like this are hard to find
If you are fortunate enough to have found one keep her. If you don’t someone else will capture her.
15 QUALITIES OF A HIGH-QUALITY MAN:
1. He respects you [love is generally the number 1 thing woman are looking for, many women forget that respect is equally as important]
2. He protects you [not that a woman can’t defend herself, but he is there anyway, and if anyone does, he’ll be there to watch. He will catch the spider before you freak out]
3. He can always make you smile [no matter how angry or pissed off she is, he can still make her smile]
4. He is kind, but not a pushover [power + sympathy. Kind at heart but brutal at the battle. Won’t start a fight, but will finish it]
5. He is supportive [no matter what you want out of your life. Never discourage you. He is beside her every step of the way]
6. He works to gain your trust [a good man wants you to be comfortable and confident. The most significant cornerstone of a relationship is trust. He understands allegiance should be earned]
7. He always makes you feel beautiful [he truly makes you feel gorgeous by his demeanor, touch and will understand when you dress up and dress down. Loves you for who you are]
8. He is not selfish [the basis of every healthy relationship, compromising. He will sometimes put your needs in front of his. He isn’t narcissistic. He understands relationships aren’t a one-way street but a compromise]
9. He is always improving himself [learning new things, watching a documentary, intellectually challenging. Does these things for himself]
10.He can cook [Most women find a man who knows his way around a kitchen sexy, also, a man who cooks for himself is required for healthy eating]
11.He is open and honest [he understands honesty is always the best policy, no matter how difficult it is, a high-value man will not hide things from you or bottle up his feelings]
12.He is ambitious but down to earth [most women want a dreamer, but humble. A man who wants the stars but understands he may only get the moon. Never stops doing his best but won’t promise what he can’t deliver]
13.He does things for you [need a script filled, but you’re at work? He has your back. He does his best to keep you happy. He will do just about anything for you]
14.You share similar values [the more alike your personalities are, the more likely you are to approach problems in the same way. Everything from socializing to working is treated the same way]
15.He stands by you [any man can be by your side on the sunny days, the question is if he will be there to hold the umbrella over you on rainy days. On the good and bad days, he will stay by your side]
A man with these qualities is not easy to find.
A quality man will enter your life, and you’ll know- he will show why all your previous relationships didn’t work out.
Suppose you find a man like this, who has all these qualities. It’d be your loss to let him go.
Now, we talked about the sound quality people and good quality relationships. What about the red flags? The people or behaviors we should avoid or let go. You want to avoid these behaviors either now or in the future, or if you are already exhibiting these behaviors, it’s time to walk away
if you are unable to fix them quickly. There are no acceptions to any of these rules. Science proves what works and what doesn’t. Effort and communication don’t always make a happy union. We make these mistakes, thus damaging relationships. Avoid behaving the following way, and notice when
or if your partner exhibits these behaviors.
12 behaviors that destroy a relationship
Men like this are also near impossible to find. If you have one, keep him.
12 BEHAVIORS TO WATCH FOR; RED FLAGS
1.Neglecting to take care of your appearance [The time and effort your put into your appearance shows how much you care about improving and being your best self]
2.Being financially irresponsible [money can grind a relationship to a halt, also focusing just on your finances comes across as uncaring and not teamwork. Work together to secure finances]
3.Having no other interests outside your relationship [all consuming focus on your partner, you won’t be able to see anything outside of your relationship, this will stunt your emotional growth. Remind yourself of how you used to spend your time, and instead of smothering your partner, spend more time on your interests]
4.Creating a co-dependent relationship [when one partner or both fail to create outside relationships. Your idea of self-worth comes directly from your partner, having no real sense of yourself. In sports, business, and art – people come together to create a specific goal]
5.Acting like you are single [Don’t do a total 180. Acting like you’re single is disrespecting your partner, invalidating their feelings, and shows the inability to compromise. Balance is critical, and there’s no integrity in a committed man or woman acting single]
6. Behaving insecure or overly sensitive [feeling down, depressed, or worthless can happen to us all. Negativity affects how we see the world and how we act. Negative thoughts contribute to negative behaviors. Thus, they trigger insecurity, jealousy, and self-doubt. No partner should take on a personality of negativity all the time. Break the patterns and focus on your reality]
7.Showing a lack of affection [everyones different. Some people love kisses and cuddles; others struggle with intimacy. It’s not a problem, but it’s needed. Without respect, you and your partner will drift apart. Hold hands, hugs, etc.]
8.Excessive criticism and nagging [get on everyone’s nerve and reinforces NEGATIVE emotion. You are looking only at your partner’s shortcomings. Resentment cultivates as a result of this. Communication suffers as this continues. The best thing to do is be clear, be positive, be patient, be empathetic.]
3. You challenge each other. Your soulmate is your best friend. They want you to find yourself and happiness; they will give you tough love when needed. They celebrate your victories and push you to greater heights.
9. Lack of attention or lack of communication skills [long-going act of affection damages the relationship. One partner may not be able to express their thoughts, hope, and fears. Fixations: couples are giving more time to their phones and social media than each other. Be present in your conversations. Give tech a break]
10.Being Dishonest [everyone lies. It could be an oversold story, white lies- they shouldn’t cause lasting problems by all accounts. However, lying is a compulsive trait. These short snowballs and expanding string of lies get out of control no matter the lies’ strength. Be open and truthful. Rely on the strength of your relationship. Be trusting and genuine]
11.Following impulses and compulsions [if we are experiences unhappiness or discord, the likelihood of returning to lousy past compulsions is high. Too much alcohol, excessive shopping, gambling, and moments of weaknesses show how you feel about your relationship. You must learn to trust your partner and your relationship to help you get through these tough times]
12.Refusing to say sorry [mutual respect is vital. Care can be a subtle concept. Feeling sorry when you think you need to, and listen to what you are telling yourself. Saying sad show, you value your partner and can admit to being wrong]
Quality relationships- how can you tell if it’s healthy in the beginning? IT may appear it’s far away or will never happen. However, unhealthy relationships generally have tell-tale signs In the early beginnings. For instance, if you already feel insecure with your looks, values, or relationship security. It’s a sign you need to get out.
1. You fight a lot [not arguing over dishes, we mean arguing, screaming, yelling]
2. You hide things [not candy, but text messages and going out with friends]
3. This way or the highway [If it’s always one person way, it’s not mutual]
4. You feel guilty [you may not even be aware you are feeling this way if you feel worried you can’t take time for yourself discuss it with your partner]
4. You both apologize because you mean it. You both apologize because you recognize what you’re doing is wrong is hurtful. Neither of you says sorry to get your partner off your back.
8. They are co-dependent [there is no need for either partner to base their self-worth on someone else.]
9. They make you feel insecure [They should always make you feel like you’re the best person in the world. Get out if you’re uncertain.]
5. It’s one-sided [SHARING your burdens. Be available to be a support system, and also be with someone who supports you]
6. They put you down [don’t support and your dreams. You need someone just as brilliant as you are to help you achieve your goals]
7. They refuse to do things that matter to you [If you say to do something three times, and don’t do it, get out. They don’t respect your wants and needs]
10.They’re abusive [sometimes this is hard to catch. We justify verbally, physically, or sexually abusive you need to talk to someone. Get out.]
11.You change yourself to be what they want [a subtle sign of unhealthiness. If your partner says they like blondes and you go out and dye your hair, then it means they want to be with their ideas and not YOU]
12.They are unhappy [they don’t feel dread or guilt with or about you]
Important to note:
- romantic attraction is essential, but it’s what brings us together. It shouldn’t be what keeps you together. Without similar interests, goals, trust, or interests, your relationship is collapsable
- you don’t like their friends. “Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.” A person’s friends act as a reflection of the person.
- Spending too much time together may erode your sense of self. Saying someone is your whole world is romantic but actual means co-dependency.
- You give much more than you get back. Both you and your partner should be doing the work. If one or the other is always the first to text, organize, make plans, etc., it’s not a mutually beneficial or respected relationship.
- You feel controlled. Your opinions and decisions are overwritten—the expectation for you to follow along quietly with your partner’s choices. A toxic and can often lead to abuse. Get out of this relationship.
- You are not respected. Your partner should value your opinion. They don’t have to agree with you, but they MUST respect your beliefs.
- You cannot be yourself around them. Yes, we filter our personalities on our first impressions. What about the second, or third, or thousand impressions? We shouldn’t feel required to act new forever.
- You don’t feel accepted. Your partner has a plan for bettering you. They work like they want a different person than the one in front of them. They don’t see your worth.
- Fighting is a HUGE red flag. Yelling, screaming, volatile behavior, or words, especially early in the relationship, is a CLEAR sign of incompatibility—no chance to grow healthy.
- You don’t trust each other. Healthy, lasting relationships require mutual trust. Learn to trust each other or end it.
- Your partner is rude to other people. It’s a red flag. If they turn around and yell at a stranger, be wary. They may be putting on a persuade to make you like them.
- Passive-aggressive. Backhanded compliments or sarcastic remarks sign that your partner is unsatisfied with something you are saying or doing. Suppose they cannot be humble and clear and use passive-aggressiveness as their form of retaliation. Walk away. They are immature.
- The timing isn’t right. No matter how much you want to be with someone, you may not be ready yet. You may still be getting over an ex; you may have different paths right now. “If it’s meant to be, let it go; it will come back to you. If it is not meant to be, your paths won’t cross, but a lesson has been learned.” – Wise Person
How do you know if you’ve met the one? What if you already have? Here are ten signs
1. You share strength in good times and bad. You are each other’s rock. Your soulmate will always be a shoulder to cry on.
2. You connect emotionally. Soulmates understand their partners solely. You and your partner may deal with your own emotions differently, but you get each other.
8. You share values. It doesn’t matter how your life has unfolded, but you need to share your experience through a similar lens.
5. You both put in equal effort. If you found the one, your partner will be just as eager as you are. You are organizing time together, equivalent texting, etc.
6. You have crossed paths before. Do your lives seem to effortless intertwine? This sign is INCREDIBLY essential; it means your time blends. Your lives mirror each other. Your visions are most likely similar.
7. You don’t hide anything. In the early stages, we hide. We show only our best self. As the relationship grows, do you keep playing pretend? or do you expose your vulnerabilities? If you’re hiding late into the relationship, you are not with your soulmate.
9. You openly express concerns. You need to be comfortable telling what makes your partner excited and what makes them feel insecure. Real problems unaddressed will kill the relationship.
10. When you imagine your future is your partner in it? Soulmates envision their future with their partner in it. They build a lot in mind. It doesn’t matter what you expect in your future, but it’s impossible to envision a future without your soulmate. If you don’t see your soulmate in your future, then you most likely haven’t met your soulmate.
What works, what doesn’t?
True love is kind, patient, and gentle. Your love for one another is why neither will give up on trying, even in the most challenging times. You don’t just throw in the towel. You patiently stay by their side and work through it together.
Some people think conflict is a deal-breaker. Conflict is inevitable in any healthy relationship. You cannot agree on EVERYTHING- a healthy amount is beneficial for your relationship. Showing you can compromise your beliefs or actions for your partner shows your partner that you care about their opinions and ideas. It shows them you care.
If you love someone, or they love you, you stay loyal and faithful. You care about the history you have together and the life you share with them. Falling in love makes everyone else in comparison, no matter how attractive, not worth pursuing. You never think of ditching each other; even when the “honeymoon phase” burns out, you respect your partner enough not to risk losing what dreams you have together. You two work together to help each other find your dreams
Relationships don’t need to be perfect, but they need to be worthwhile. Trust, respect, compromise, and patience are all critical components of any relationship in general.
If you are in denial but notice your partner or lack these qualities or tips, you are unsure of your relationship. If you are not on the same page, nothing is a more significant waste of time and heart space.
Author: J.C Mahur, 11.22.2020 10:33pm CNT